Ladies thinkin' lady thoughts

On the bus this morning, I received an email with the following photo from Unearthed Caravan (try clicking the picture to see a larger version):



And I just...no. I mean I get what it's trying to say. OH BOY. Woman are from Venus and Men have Penises. Or something. And who doesn't love a good stereotype? I don't want to go all angry Hulk feminist about this, as one of my roommates might, but this is just such a poorly thought-out chart.

I have notes.

1. Shoes = pot of gold

First of all, am I the only one that thinks those shoes are disgusting? On closer inspection they seem to be Prada, but that doesn't matter. They look very dated and I don't want to put my feetses in them. I feel like if the Pope were into women's footwear, he'd totally wear these. If these shoes are unattainable in the way that a leprechaun's gold is unattainable, that's probably a good thing.

2. A ladies' room sign = a large round table

This is just stupid. I'll give you that some women like to go to the bathroom with their girlfriends. But who actually CONCEPTUALIZES the bathroom as a place where businesspeople talk about budget reports and upcoming projects? I have never prepared a Power Point presentation in anticipation of a visit to the bathroom.

3. Teeny spider + penny = little girl being mauled by a giant muppet

WHAT is that child doing with her face? Other than that, though, this is pretty accurate.

4. butter knife = screwdriver

Nope. Since when is this even a stereotype? I'm not going to pretend I know anything about tools, but what woman (who hasn't suffered from some sort of stroke) confuses a butter knife with a screwdriver?

5. Compass rose = ...does that really say "toward the mall"?

GUILTY. FINE. I don't understand cardinal directions and generally have no concept of where I am in space. Andy tries to teach me and I honestly try to learn, but after a few seconds the first few electric guitar chords of the overture from Jesus Christ Superstar sound in my head and all is lost because I'm too busy putting together my fantasy JCS cast. No, I won't tell you who I think should play Caiaphus. (It's that kid from the Chocolate Rain video.)

6. Parallel parking = a slimmed-down Pillsbury Doughboy trying to push a ball through a square hole.

Well if you're going to park like THAT, then yes, I would assume it would feel like that.

7. butt = larger butt

I get what this is trying to say. Women think they are fat. I have definitely looked in the mirror and thought I looked like a fatass. It happens. However, I have never stuck my butt out and took a photo of it, then looked at the photo and thought "Wow, so THIS is what that "apple bottom jeans" song is talking about, and also I have a rattail and may be black!"

8. 7:00 = 7:55

I don't really understand this one. I have a vagina, so when I read time I add 55 minutes? At first I thought this was trying to say something about how women are stereotypically late, but then wouldn't the clock that ladies see be earlier in time?

9: check engine = engine is fine, ignore this

I don't know about you, but I FREAK OUT if that light comes on and want to take care of it immediately. I freak out about lots of things, though, so I guess maybe this could be a stereotype I didn't know existed.

Thoughts? Am I being too critical?